Principles of Behavior — Don’t Trouble Yourself With What You Can’t Control

Begin with clarity: know what belongs to you, and what never did.

You don’t choose who walks through the door. 

A new person may be wild. A visitor may dismantle your game. A training partner might bring chaos. These are not your burdens to carry.

You can’t control someone else’s size, speed, or strength.

You may face someone heavier, faster, or more explosive. You may get pinned, smashed, or submitted—again and again. That’s not failure. That’s the terrain. That’s reality.

You don’t dictate promotions, politics, or perceptions.

Stripes may not come when expected. A coach may favor others. The room may feel unfair. But these are distractions, not determinants.

What you do control is precious, and more than enough.

You control your attitude.

Whether you see hardship as defeat or as a lesson. Whether you bring bitterness or humility. Whether you show up sulking or curious.

You control your preparation.

How often you train. How you warm up. How much you sleep. What you study off the mats. The choices no one sees but everyone feels.

You control your breath, your focus, your effort.

When you’re trapped and tired, do you panic or breathe?

When things get hard, do you stay present or check out?

When it hurts, do you give up or lean in?

Obsession with the uncontrollable only breeds frustration.

Clinging to a result, winning a round, getting the stripe, gaining praise, can rob you of the very process that creates those things. When you try to force a timeline, you forget to live in it.

Progress isn’t a product of pressure, it’s a product of presence.

Let go of the idea that things must unfold a certain way.

Detach from outcomes, from timelines, from the need to prove yourself.

That’s the real work.

That’s the forge where resilience is shaped. 

Not in control, but in courage. 

Not in force, but in surrender.

Your growth, presence, and response are yours to shape.

That’s where transformation happens, not when the world cooperates with your expectations, but when you rise, no matter what it throws at you.